Friday, July 15, 2011

Places where I want to get hit on: The grocery store

Every time I go to the grocery store, a little part of me is always hoping to get hit on. Maybe I've watched too many cheesy romances... although I can't actually think of any movies where it all starts in the produce aisle, I'm sure they're still not healthy for my reality.

Something about cruising through the aisles filling up my cart makes me feel like I'm exuding womanhood. I saunter along with a swagger that says "look at me buying these things to cook with, yeah, I will be preparing meals with these items, I'll probably even wear my homemade apron while I do it". Maybe it's the Mormon in me that believes that makes me attractive, but I feel like me at the grocery store is a sneak peek into the domestic goddess that lies within. Alright, I'm not a domestic goddess, but I couldn't think of a word that sounded better there. I like to cook and stuff, you know, like, pasta-roni, and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Having certain foods in my cart makes me feel more attractive than others. You know how I love illustrations, so here is a graph that illustrates what goes on in my mind as I select foods:

I'm going to go out on a limb and call that very accurate.  I expect bacon sales to skyrocket now that this data has been released.

Now, not to toot my own horn, but I have gotten hit on at the grocery store before. Two distinct times come to memory (alright, alright, I didn't forget the other times, it's just been those two). Both times were flattering, and a total ego boost. Both times were also fairly awkward.

One of these times occurred while I was at a Walmart. This little Asian guy (disclaimer: I love Asians, I only mention this detail because it helps to give a funny visual to the story) comes up to me and asks me if I'm so-and-so, and I say no. Then he goes "okay, so sorry!" and walks away. Then he comes back a minute later and asks if I'm sure that I'm not so-and-so, the woman he met at some small business conference who has a tall women's clothing line. Sorry little dude, I assure you that I am not the woman that you seem to think I am. He apologizes and walks away...   ...Then he comes back a third time, and this time tries to ask me out for coffee. I politely declined, (I'm a stickler about dating within my religion) he apologized and walked away. Don't worry, he didn't come back and re-check to see if I was the lady with the clothing line again.

The other grand occasion took place while I was at a Target, and was standing in an aisle looking at the fruit snacks. I love fruit snacks. Mmmm. Sorry, off topic. A guy comes up to me and tells me that he's trying to start eating healthier and is wondering if I can help him determine which granola bar would be best (if you've got a "mmmhm, suuuure" look on your face right now, you're not alone). I turn to make sure he's talking to me, because remember, I'm looking at fruit snacks. You know, the kind made of nothing but sugar. Clearly I'm qualified to help someone choose a healthy granola bar. Lo and behold, he was, so I attempt to point to a couple of bars that people (who are actually healthy) have told me they like. We talk about granola bars for a minute, then do some small talking and playful bantering. After a couple minutes or so of that, he admits that he didn't really want any granola bars, he just wanted an excuse to come talk to me. (AwwwWw... that's adorable. I'm totally flattered and he just made my day). He gave me his number and told me if I ever wanted to hang out I should give him a call. Again, the Mormon card comes into play here, so I never called (sorry). BUT, he still made me feel like hot stuff.

Now it's time to let you guys in on a secret: Girls want to flirt when they feel attractive and comfortable. Not a lot of things make us feel more attractive than knowing some guy saw you looking at fruit snacks and immediately needed to walk up and talk to you. At the very least, you could do this with the intent of making some girl's day, that way, even if she turns you down, you still know that you made her smile inside.

Oh, and Provo boys- this could be a dating gold mine for you. I didn't go out with either of these guys because they weren't Mormon. They happened back in California, where you can meet other Mormons at church activities- and that's it. But here in Provo, you can meet 'em anywhere, yet very few people seem to be monopolizing on that reality. Ay yi yi...

So the next time you see a girl struttin' her stuff down the canned food aisle, strike up a conversation about beans or something. I can't think of a better "how we met" story.

Can you?

(Ha-ha get it? "Can" you, because we're talking about canned foods? Haaa... I kill myself.)