Friday, July 8, 2011

Why I would be good at being married

Ok this is supposed to be funny. And is a joke. Mostly, kinda, sorta.

But no really, it's true.

I wake up most mornings thinking to myself, "Man, I'd be so good at being married". Only right when I wake up though, and sometimes when I go to bed. Why you ask? Well, because I am the opposite of a bed hog. That's right, I said it, I practically give that bed-space away. Like it's a stinkin' hot potato.

Allow me to illustrate to you. This is my bed:
 
Isn't it so pretty? Yeah, that's right future-husband, you'll have to sleep underneath a pretty comforter. It doesn't have to be this one but it'll be pretty. 

My latest place came furnished with this queen size bed and it has been quite the conundrum to figure out what to do with all of that space. I've been trying to force myself to fall asleep in ways that capitalize on the blessing of that kind of space all to myself.

This is how I've tried to fall asleep:

Now, there are a few variations of this, but they all take up most of the bed. (P.S. Don't you love my MS Paint skills? That's a pretty realistic looking illustration if you ask me.)

So that's how I fall asleep.

And


This...

...is how I wake up:


Look at that! I wake up almost hanging off of the edge. My sleeping self just refuses to take advantage of the plethora of space on that bed. (P.P.S. This was an illustration of me a few minutes before awakening, hence the zzz's.)

To better illustrate the point that I am making with this post:

I must be studying charity before I go to sleep because that is awfully generous of me. And that's just on a queen size bed. Picture a california king real quick, it's like future-husband won't even be sharing a bed.

I'm sure that if I were to look up statistics, I'd find something that says that 97.622% of marital troubles arise from bed hogging. I won't bother doing the actual research because there's no way that number is wrong, at least not off by more than a percent or two. Think of that happy blissful marriage that will arise from my uncanny ability to always sleep on just a sliver of bed. *Starts to day dream of skipping through a field of daisies where birds are singing and butterflies are floating all around us.

Our lives will be like those NyQuil commercials that talk about getting a good night's sleep, where people wake up looking amazing and oh-so-refreshed.

It's a good thing I don't let my imagination get the best of me.

...

...

Anywho... There are other reasons why I'd be great at being married, but I don't really think any intelligent man would need any others. To those of you bed hogging bachelors who understand that, go ahead and submit your marital resumes into me and let's get the things rolling.

5 comments:

  1. Shelly. You are BRILLIANT. Along with knowing that you are brilliant, I would also like you to know that I have had this exact thought before. I would also be very good at being married because I sleep on the right side of the bed. Hooray for us. We should tell all the boys.

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  2. ps The illustrations are my favorite

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  3. This made me laugh and laugh! Thank you for sharing your stories...

    and for making me brave enough to date a shorter man, too. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Lexie! I love comments like these, and always read them proudly to my husband so he knows we're changing the world for short men one blog post at a time. ;)

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