Thursday, August 18, 2011

My secret airplane romance strategy

Have you ever been sitting on an airplane thinking to yourself, "There has got to be a better way for me to monopolize on being stuck next to someone for 2 hours!"? Well, do I have the solution for you! Here is my recipe for how to find love on an airplane.

Step 1: Fly Southwest

Again, they didn't pay me to say that, it's just practical. You see, when you fly Southwest, you get to choose your seat. If you fly another airline it's almost always assigned seating, and then you have to put your trust in the airplane gods to sit you by someone who doesn't smell like corn chips or have a disturbing indigestion issue.

Step 2: Get a boarding pass B31 or later.

This means that by the time you board the plane nearly every window or aisle seat is taken. Shh shh, stop your whining that you want to sleep, or don't want to be squished in the middle. I don't care. You are going to meet someone and you're going to like it.

Step 3: Pre-boarding Reconnaissance

You are going to be sitting by someone who has boarded before you, and they're all lined up on display for you, take advantage of this.

My scan usually doesn't take very long. Scan step one- over six foot. Scan step two- verify attractiveness. Scan step three- wedding ring check (this one almost always ruins things).

Part of me can't believe I'm admitting that I do that... but oh well, I do.

Step 4: Seat Selection

Okay, so you've done your reconnaissance and now you know who you want to sit by. By the time you are boarding the plane (as mentioned earlier) only the middle seats will be available. You'll wander through the plane until you see one of the people you picked out in the boarding line, and ever so nicely ask if you can squeeze in there. They'll recognize that there are simply no other seats left, so it's not like you're being overly forward.

Step 5: You're on your own

Well my young padawan, you have now been pushed out of the nest and are seated next to an eligible bachelor or bachelorette. Now you have to flip on your finest flirting, don't be scared, odds are you'll never see them again. Before I set you completely free, I should warn you about some possible scenarios that could ruin all of your hard work and planning.

Warning Scenario 1: They didn't have a wedding ring, but they are actually dating someone/engaged/gay. I have had all three of those things happen. No joke. The most important thing to remember here is that you can't stop talking to them now- act like you want to know all about their special someone, because otherwise they'll know you were just trying to hit on them and things just get awkward from there. For now they'll just think you're unusually nice.

Warning Scenario 2: You're doing this and you're Mormon, and flying into or out of Salt Lake. Try to let them know fairly quickly. If they're also Mormon they'll probably get excited. If they're not, it can be a game killer. They now know that you won't be drinking with them on the plane and they also probably know that you're going to try and convert them if they were to date you. Flirt to convert baby (haha).

Now that you have been briefed on potential dangers- fly free! (Like your bags will be, because you're flying Southwest! Ooo pun intended!)

Oh, and you may be wondering- "Hey Shelly, how are these romances working out for you?". Well... things haven't yet worked out quite yet. One of the two warning scenarios I mentioned have impeded things every time I have flown. But hey, it's all a numbers game right? One of these days I'll hit the jackpot. (Maybe during a layover in Vegas! Haaaa... I'm full of jokes today.)

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