I was speaking to this friend a week or so ago, and we were discussing my blog (because you dear people reading and enjoying my blog has really become the highlight of my life lately, no joke) and she was commenting that there is no way that I am as awkward as I make myself sound in my posts.
I told her that I'm sure that I actually seem cool and collected when I'm attempting to get my flirt on, but what I blog about is the frenzy that happens inside my own mind, and the way that I perceive my own actions. She laughed, agreed, and then shared something a friend had told her recently.
(I may actually be misquoting this because it's like a game of telephone that's gone through about three passes now.)
He told her:
"You are like a duck. On the surface you look totally calm and together..."
(side note: I would like to point out that it only took two tries to draw this duck, I feel like a stinking superhero right now)
"...but under the water you're like this: *make frantic paddling movement with hands"
Like you other quack-ers, there is a gigantic disconnect between my perceived reality, and the reality that others actually experience. Somewhere between the heart palpitations and the dramatically increased cognitive activity, my brain registers that I look/sound like a crazy person.
In mid conversation with a fine young gentleman, I believe myself to appear something like this:
Whereas, upon later feedback from trusted friends, I conclude that I must have indeed looked more like this:
Maybe I didn't look quite that cool, but you catch my drift here. Sometimes I wish that someone would video me trying to be flirtatious so that I can re-adjust my perceptions. Although, part of me is a little nervous to actually file that request because- one, the guy I'm flirting with might think it's odd that I have a camera crew with me. But mostly, two, that my perception is not as far off from reality as those friends who love me have led me to believe. If that's the case... I retract my request for recording, it's probably better that I don't know. Your lies and encouragement have been greatly appreciated and have preserved my sanity.
Love,
Your gratefully naive friend